I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
