I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
