The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
