Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
sarcasm needs its own font
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
