Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
