I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
And the cops told us we were all naked.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
