just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
