You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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