The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
