Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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