Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize