I think I won the penis lottery.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Randomize
