a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
