At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
