I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize