i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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