I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
They have beer where we have blood.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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