Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
