So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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