I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
dude. I can hear the air.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
