I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
