Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
