But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
