my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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