$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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