Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
