you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
