Little spoons don't ask big questions
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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