There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
