he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
