How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Randomize
