is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
