It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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