just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Randomize
