i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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