had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
