My friends, they love my intelligence
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Randomize
