Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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