While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
