How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
