Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
