is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I believe in your delicious
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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