Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
