Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
