I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
i drank out of a bidet.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
