I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Randomize
