shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
