based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
