Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
