She said her name was "party"
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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