matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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