But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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