We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
