I love black thongs
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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