i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Randomize
