coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
