It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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