wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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