I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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