Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
