I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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