do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
