YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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