I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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