Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Everything about him screamed your future.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
