Little spoons don't ask big questions
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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