if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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