nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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