no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
