I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
